Blaze Unlimited Pty Ltd

HR Consultancy & Career Coaching

So how are you really going? I know first hand that we are living in turbulent times. I also know that events such as GFC’s (global financial crises) have a direct affect on us but are largely out of our control, and as a result have enormous capacity to cause a load of stress. And that’s never good.

I thought now might be an ideal time to share a few stress management thoughts I’ve been sharing with other clients. But before I do I’d like to tell a bit of a story.

I was driving home from the Sunshine Coast a while ago and when I merged onto the highway I was following another car. This car was travelling about 40km’s below the 100k speed limit with their right-hand indicator on [I need to declare that 2 pet peeves of mine are slow lane mergers and drivers leaving indicators on unnecessarily]. This car proceeded to move into the right hand land (still travelling slowly) and I was unable to overtake. Getting increasingly frustrated I was stuck behind this car and started to get agitated (not a good mental state to be in while piloting a vehicle in I might add). Eventually as I was edging closer to the driver in front and contemplating flashing my lights or tooting my horn, the car slowed down even further. Imagine my surprise when the car turned right onto a little known (by me anyway) access road. Now get this. Here was this driver doing all the right things by indicating their intention to turn right, slowing down to make the turn safely and here I was interpreting their behaviour as if they were the idiot driver. My mindset had a lot to do with it (previously declared) and there was a piece of information that I was missing. Specifically, that I was not aware of the access road (in my defence, not many highways in Australia have right hand exit lanes or turns). Without this information I substituted it with my own mindset and ‘saw’ (and responded to) a completely different scenario. It got me to thinking. I had just had a paradigm shift.

Now when I drive and find myself getting frustrated by other driver’s actions, I check-in on my mindset and try to replace whatever is there with one that’s more compassionate "they just want to get home safely" or something. It doesn’t mean people have stopped doing silly things in their cars but it has reduced my stress levels when driving and has probably contributed to my own safety.

So anyway, why did I tell you that story? Well, I’ve noticed over the years that most people’s stress comes from trying to control or influence things in the way that they "think" should happen. Think about this for a moment. You’re driving home from work and you think that people ‘should’ be courteous to other drivers. Someone isn’t and, depending on how firmly you hold onto the belief that they should be, it causes you some degree of stress. Or perhaps you think healthcare (or education) should be provided free, and get stressed when premiums get increased. Now think about other people's behaviour. How much of that can you control?

When you stop to consider what you actually control in this world (very little in case you weren’t sure) it starts to seem a little crazy that we spend so much effort trying to control things. Now I’m not saying give up altogether so don't get all defeatist. Far from it! If you do want to be influential, to drive towards positive outcomes, and regain some influence over your situation (be it work, personal, financial, career etc) then the first step is check in on, and then let go of, some of your mindsets. This 'letting go' may appear counter-intuitive given that you want to increase influence (note I say influence and not control?) I believe that control is an illusion we kid ourselves with to make us feel better or safe). If you accept that you cannot control many things in this world, then you can free yourself to start looking at or for the things that you CAN influence. And there are plenty.

For example... You’re worried about your job security in the current economic situation. Can you control whether or not you lose your job? No. Do you get anxious and wound up when you think about it? Maybe (many are doing this right now). Someone who acknowledges that things change frequently, quickly and dramatically (this is their mindset) might approach this situation quite differently. For example rather than getting anxious and helpless about the situation they might use this time to invest in skills development, take on additional responsibility at work, enlarge or invest in their network, or seek to reduce their debt perhaps. Now these things don’t change the GFC but they might make that person more attractive to their current (or other) employers, or provide more of a safety net should they lose their job. And the best thing is that because they are focused and doing something, they feel better about themselves. They move from a victim mindset (helpless) to an empowered mindset.

Now this mindset stuff is easy enough to talk about but when you’re stuck in one (a mindset that is) it can be very difficult to recognise...

b) how the mindset it colouring your perception of the situation

I know this first hand. I get stuck in my own mindsets all the time. This is where a coach can come in useful. They have the objectivity and experience necessary to help you recognise your mindsets, see where they’re limiting you and to explore alternatives that produce better outcomes. No shame in asking for help. In fact there's more shame in knowing you need help and not asking for it - who's the idiot out of those two? The most successful people in the world have some form of support around them, whether its some sort of symbol or reminder, mentors, peer groups, coaches or whatever. They recognise that they can’t or don’t always adopt the most beneficial mindset so enlist the aid of others to make sure they do.

We’ve been really successful recently in delivering a number of management coaching programs. It’s something I’m passionate about from my Learning and Development days. You would have seen this no doubt. Managers are often people who aspire to climb the ladder. Often they are competent in their technical or professional skills (eg, lawyer, accountant, admin officer etc) and rise through the ranks as a result. They are then given a team leader or management role and can fail spectacularly (or maybe not so spectacularly but fail all the same). The reason for this is, I believe anyway, obvious. Managing people is a completely different skill set from the technical skills they possessed previously. They try the management stuff (often with little support from the organisation) get their fingers burnt and revert back to the familiar technical work they did previously and let the management responsibilities lapse. Perhaps they even enjoy the technical work more and prefer to do it. Any of you know of (or perhaps you do this yourself) a manager who refuses to pass on work, despite being already overloaded? What about poor performance in a team that is simply not corrected by the manager? Or a complete lack of awareness about their approach, impact etc. Our coaching programs talk a lot about control too and simply why it’s a waste of energy that ultimately alienates workers and their teams, reduces productivity and increase dissatisfaction.

I believe work should be fun. I have had the privilege of working with a truly great manager. One manager out of 17 + years in the workforce mind you. It was truly rewarding. I want to help more managers be like that. Everyone benefits.

I’d love your help in spreading the word about our management coaching programs. If you’d like one of our brochures please reply to this email and I’ll forward one right away.

Top 10 Stress Management Techniques

2) Meditation

4) Self Hypnosis

6) Progressive Muscle Relaxation

8) Music

10) Planning for the future

If you want more information on the above let me know. Perhaps my next eZine can cover each technique in more detail (except maybe 7, that's probably self explanatory) if there is sufficient interest?

Have a great June, speak soon.